It's Time to Stop the Violence in Our Communities

I am saddened by the recent murder-suicide which took place in Queens, New York. Once again we are reminded that violence is a scourge on our community. Make no mistake about it, domestic violence crosses all ethnic, socio-economic lines and transcends all barriers.

I grieve for the families of Dionne, Yonique and Yolon. The surviving family members will need grief counseling in oder to cope with the magnitude of their loss. But the question I ask is, could this have been avoided? What were the warning signs? It is important to note that the wife had left the home due to a separation some weeks before. The story becomes even more sinister as the husband acquires a gun when his wife moved back home.

The wife, Dionne Bailey, is an educated individual pursuing a doctoral degree, while the husband, no offense to anyone, is a bus driver. It is clear the emotional and tense fights and differences these dissenting careers bring to the household. What becomes even more clear is that Dionne's sister, Dorrett Combs, immediately suspected something was wrong when Dionne didn't answer the door Monday morning. This is a sign that domestic violence was present in the home.

Domestic violence can be emotional, financial and physical. It usually starts as mental and emotional pressure, quarrels, arguments, insistence on doing things his way and you are a bad person if you don't, which progresses to choking, pushing, shoving, slapping, then becomes full blown physical violence. The lessons learned here should not be ignored. If you know someone experiencing these signs, help is available. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline @1.800.799.SAFE (7233) or 1.800.787.3224 (TTY). I pray for the survivors of this family. I pray for their strength during this time.

If you are a professional woman, and successful at what ever your occupation is, be careful of the men you invite into your life. Some characteristics to look for are, charming, seductive, wants to make a good impression on you, flirtatious, seems to be the answer to your dreams. My advice to you is to give it some time, the charming veneer usually wears off and the real person starts shining through. But because you have been seduced by his charms, and have fallen victim to his seductive behaviors, you don't see the freight train coming at you. This is why when you are dating, you engage in group activities, bring the person to meet your relatives and friends.

Spend time with him to observe and learn his ways and behavior patterns. Does he insist on getting his own way, charmingly at first. When you go out to a restaurant, does he insist on ordering for you? Ignoring your wishes and making decisions on what is best for you based on what he thinks you should have or does he tell you what you should wear? When your phone rings does he ask who is calling? Don't ignore the signs. Anyone who tries to control whom you spend your time with or whom you speak to on the phone or controls your hours of work, does not love you. Educate yourself on the profiles of abusers. For more information visit the national domestic violence web site : http://www.ndvh.org/.

It is time to stop the violence. We must work to end violence against women and children.