The Best Me I Can Be Really Starts with Me

When we enter into any kind of relationship, we take the risk of being misunderstood, abandoned, or just plain old having our feelings hurt. What, then, are we to do? Do we just keep to ourselves in order to protect ourselves from such potentialities, or do we open our hearts and understand that life often means broken hearts and bittersweet moments?

These are tough questions, but I think that at some point we must make the personal decision to either address the issues that trouble us (speak the truth in love, as the Bible teaches) or we must let stuff go and move forward to the next opportunity.

I stumbled across the following when I picked up a book another patron had put down in the beauty shop. I did not have time to read all of it (even though it is a small book), but I scanned what the author (don Miguel Ruiz) calls "The Four Agreements" and realized that the so called agreements contain not only common sense, but biblical insight as well, even though the presentation appears to be more New Age than Christian (a caveat to all who continue to read). Still, I think that if we consider the "agreements" we just might find we will be able to overcome some of those consequences set in place by the so called haters out there (as well as the dumb things we do) and we will begin to take personal responsibility for how we respond and react to "stuff" (you do know stuff just happens, don't you, that you don't have to do a thing, it just happens).

The "Agreements" are as follows, and I think these are agreements just between "me, myself and I," although the side-effects just might mean a more harmonious life with others.

The Four Agreements are:

1. Be Impeccable with your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the [w]ord to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your [w]ord in the direction of truth and love.

What I hear (dmw): Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; speak the truth in love; always let your speech be seasoned with grace; life and death is in the power of the tongue.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

What I hear( dmw): In all that you do, do all to the glory of God (in the accolades) and fret not thyself because of evil doers but pray for those that spitefully use you (in the negatives).

3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

What I hear (dmw): No gossip, no backbiting, seek forgiveness, give forgiveness (without fanfare); love your neighbor as yourself; don't make assumptions but seek clarification.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

What I hear (dmw): Once again, do all to the glory of God; always bring and present the first and best offering regardless of the state in which you find yourself.

Agreement #2 is the one agreement that resonates within me. I have lived my life too often rocking and reeling because of the opinions of others, wrestling with the negatives and wondering what I could do to make someone like me or make things better or just change how others perceived me. I finally get it; opinions belong to the opinion holder and not to me. If I am absolutely sure that I have done nothing to warrant their view (we Christians know what we are to do when someone has "ought"), then I do not take on the burden of their opinion. Let's face it; there will be those times when people will not like us, will not like the way we look. They will think we think we're all that and a bag of chips, just because of their own insecurities.

Here's my advice: Keep your eye on the prize and hold on. We may not all have the confidence of Maya Angelou's "Phenomenal Woman," but we can certainly strive to accept ourselves as we are and to do our best to see ourselves as God sees us, fearfully and wonderfully made and accepted in the beloved.

Who could ask for anything more?