Will Smith & Jada Pinkett-Smith Alleged Separation & My Views on My Own Verbally Abusive Marriage

Did Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith separate after 13 years of marriage? Well, if that's true, that is just as big as Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony. It just goes to show that the whole marriage thing is either passe or people are choosing the wrong people to marry. I have never spoken publicly about my marriage and I think the time has come to bare my soul. I got married in 1994 and I can honestly say that I have been unhappy for 14 of those 17 years. The only real joy I felt was the birth of my two kids. I am in a verbally abusive marriage where I am not supposed to have an opinion. In other words, like my childhood, I must be seen and not heard. I am an achiever, but my husband would rather lie on the couch and watch television when he comes home from work. He does very little with our children, very rarely taking them to the park, never to the movies, or even engaging them in a discussion about life itself.

I'm not here to bash him, but I am here to talk about the reasons why I feel this way. I grew up in a strict household and I saw my father hit my mother on three occasions. I think the man I married was just like my father in some respects. The only difference was that my father was a hard working man with ambitions and goals that he attained. I went from home to college back home to marriage. I never lived by myself as my own woman at any time in my life. I was always controlled by someone. I have made my share of mistakes and I could have done a lot of things differently in my marriage, including speaking up for myself early on instead of being so passive. Instead I chose to remain silent, taking the verbal abuse, trying to please this man and not myself. I got to a point where I felt as though I was playing a role in a movie. I snapped into character every time I hit the garage door opener at home.

So, here I am. I got to a point where I said it can't be all me making this marriage hell. I want to move on with my life and become the person I have always wanted to be. I feel as though I have had to dumb-down to survive in peace. I have been called a f*cking Christian bitch by my husband in front of my oldest son.   That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I said there is no way I will put up with being belittled to this extent in front of my children. That's when I found my voice and started to speak up and defend myself.

I have been told the reason we have experienced financial difficulties is my fault, but yet, I bring in two-thirds of the household income. I went back to college and got a second bachelor's degree and a Master of Business Administration degree during the marriage. I started a blog that has grown tremendously since 2007 and I am a freelance writer, work a full-time job and yes, above all, I am a mother. Yet, I haven't seen my husband accomplish anything else with his life. He's good with his hands. He can cook exceptionally well. He cuts the children's hair, grooms the dog and even painted the entire inside of the house by himself. But he won't aspire to reaching for the stars and not just settle for where he is now. He isn't motivated to do anything else and that's something I just can't settle for.

In the final analysis, if Will Smith and his wife have separated, they aren't much different from other couples out there who struggle with many issues. My husband refuses to go for counselling because he said, "nothing's wrong with me, the problem is with you." There is always room for improvement and I have learned that if you say you have no problems, then you are a big part of the problem. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I am glad I have found my voice and I am now standing up for myself. I believe in my heart that "this too shall pass" and will come to an end, either through a divorce or improvement in the marriage. At the end of the day, I don't want it to be ever said I didn't fight the good fight and finish the race.

UPDATE#1: From TMZ:

Reports have been swirling that the couple has separated. We're told it's "definitely a possibility" but they haven't pulled the trigger. In fact, we've learned Will, Jada and their kids are going away together soon -- as a family. Our sources would neither confirm nor deny if the trip is a last ditch effort to save the relationship.

We also asked our sources about the somewhat curious statement from Will and Jada, that their marriage is "intact." Specifically, why didn't they go the more traditional PR route and say they're still in love and committed to each other? Our sources privately said, the language was carefully constructed.